Dear Me at 2X.
Dear Me:
You will not have another chance to say “I am 2X” in about an hour and a half. And you couldn’t afford to waste an opportunity such as this.
It has been an incredible year. And for the most part, you loved it. You loved being who you are. As time goes and you learn new things in life, you realized that passing of time is an amazing thing. We don’t know if it happens to everyone else, but it’s certainly happening to you - you are beginning to find yourself and your identity. For the very first time, you are extremely comfortable with yourself.
It’s an incredibly liberating feeling when you find yourself in a position where you don’t think about having to impress anyone, or convince anyone. You like being “YOU”. You like the color of your eyes, you like your hair, you like your skin, you like your teeth- despite all the flaws. You just stop fighting with yourself. And achieving this level of maturity of loving yourself just the way you are, whether or not you consider yourself particularly impressive, only happens with time.
Some sort of Kafka moment happened. There must have been a transformation somewhere along the way in making of a confident, dazzling woman. Oh please, stop flattering yourself like that. But, if this is how you really feel when you look at yourself in the mirror everyday, don’t forget to thank The One, to whom all credit is due.
You still have other serious short-comings to overcome. Despite being very comfortable with your physical self, you are not yet comfortable about your professional and academic self. You feel underachieved. You feel you have settled for less than your true potential. You also have some grudges that sometimes hold you back. And by the end of next year, we would like you to be comfortable with those aspects, too – be comfortable with your paycheck and business title.
Remember that rizq comes from the Almighty and He prefers some over others. He has preferred you over some and He has preferred some others over you. Granted, you still feel the world is unfair in many instanced, but do not ever forget about the transient nature of this world. Do not ever compromise on your values.
As time goes on, and you are becoming a more confident woman, I worry that you are also developing material attachments. And over the course of next year, we are going to engage on spiritual exercise with the goal of liberating yourself of materialistic wants.
From now on, you should not ever have to sit at an all-hand meeting with lowered gaze, thinking whether or not you really belong. Because, Allah had already decided on your rizq of you having to be there. You are where you are for a reason. Perhaps you think you should be doing something else, but do not pass up on opportunities to make a difference with a theoretical expectation that you should be somewhere else.
Have a goal – a goal that would impress you. And work towards it. This coming year, you will be working to a goal to love your professional self, your intellectual self, and your spiritual self, just the way you have learned to appreciate your physical self. Don’t waste your mind, talent, and time. These are the most precious gifts Allah has given you and He will hold you accountable for all the blessings.
O Allah, make what is lawful enough for me, as opposed to what is unlawful, and spare me by Your grace, of need of others.
Ya Allah – spare me by Your grace, of need of others.
Ya Allah – spare me by Your grace, of need of others.
